Saturday, March 27, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
I'm free
It's been 11 days since I told my biological father to stay out of my life. He was arrested for a felony child case, and since I found that out, I've stayed even farther away.
My father and I don't get alone. That's NEVER been a secret. Since I wasn't born a boy, and couldn't do the boy stuff (Sports.. camping though I did that and Softball..), I was pretty well a trophy kid, good for meetings with the bosses and having at bowling tournaments.
When my parents divorced, I finally got a small glimmer of what my mom went through when she was married to him, when I'd visit. My father lives 2 hours from me. I would go visit and be left at the house by myself for hours while he went to the bowling alley (Where I loved to be) or a work call or anywhere else. It never failed, I was bymyself. I started taking friends with me to dads, even once took my youngest stepbrother (He's older than me). They all agreed, something was wrong with my dad, but nobody could pinpoint it.
He got arrested for a child felony and I am, so mad. Still. We found out through a family friend after he'd already come to tell me and my mom. He said he filled out a tablet with stuff he should have done with me and didn't do. When I pointed out that was his own fault, because I'd tried for YEARS to have a relationship with him and finally given up, he got mad. He also had the gall to tell me he forgave me for forgetting his birthday. I hadn't forgotten. He'd remembered mine out of GUILT, and in the past 5 years, even though we moved 8 years ago, he hasn't done a damn thing on my birthday. Not even a phone call. I talk to my uncles more than my own father.
He said he wanted a relationship with me. How the hell could that work? IF he managed (through some odd ass miracle) to get probation at some point during his 30 year sentence, he'd be a registered sex offender. He wouldn't be allowed NEAR me, even though I'm legal, for the fact of the children around me.
So I made things really simple and short with him. I cut myself away for good. I'm tired of putting up with his bullshit. I shouldn't have had to for this long. I was the easiest person to string along, because my mother told me I'd regret not having a relationship with him. My exact words to my former father (As that's how I'm thinking of this, a divorce).
"When I get married, you won't be there. Even if you are free, you won't be allowed. When I have grandchildren, you won't be allowed NEAR them. And contact them or me, and I swear, it will not be a cell you end up in."
How can someone say "I don't know how this happened?". Even ONCE, YES YOU DO! Somewhere, there was a concious thought and you took it for a test run. Once wasn't enough, so you did it again. Pervert doesn't even BEGIN to cover what I was thinking.
So for 11 days, I've been happier, guilt free and enjoying my relationship with my stepdad, and my adopted family. THEY took me in and Rick, my stepdad, has been more of a father in 8 years, than my father was in 23. As he told the former father, "I raised her as my own, because that's all I knew how to do."
My father and I don't get alone. That's NEVER been a secret. Since I wasn't born a boy, and couldn't do the boy stuff (Sports.. camping though I did that and Softball..), I was pretty well a trophy kid, good for meetings with the bosses and having at bowling tournaments.
When my parents divorced, I finally got a small glimmer of what my mom went through when she was married to him, when I'd visit. My father lives 2 hours from me. I would go visit and be left at the house by myself for hours while he went to the bowling alley (Where I loved to be) or a work call or anywhere else. It never failed, I was bymyself. I started taking friends with me to dads, even once took my youngest stepbrother (He's older than me). They all agreed, something was wrong with my dad, but nobody could pinpoint it.
He got arrested for a child felony and I am, so mad. Still. We found out through a family friend after he'd already come to tell me and my mom. He said he filled out a tablet with stuff he should have done with me and didn't do. When I pointed out that was his own fault, because I'd tried for YEARS to have a relationship with him and finally given up, he got mad. He also had the gall to tell me he forgave me for forgetting his birthday. I hadn't forgotten. He'd remembered mine out of GUILT, and in the past 5 years, even though we moved 8 years ago, he hasn't done a damn thing on my birthday. Not even a phone call. I talk to my uncles more than my own father.
He said he wanted a relationship with me. How the hell could that work? IF he managed (through some odd ass miracle) to get probation at some point during his 30 year sentence, he'd be a registered sex offender. He wouldn't be allowed NEAR me, even though I'm legal, for the fact of the children around me.
So I made things really simple and short with him. I cut myself away for good. I'm tired of putting up with his bullshit. I shouldn't have had to for this long. I was the easiest person to string along, because my mother told me I'd regret not having a relationship with him. My exact words to my former father (As that's how I'm thinking of this, a divorce).
"When I get married, you won't be there. Even if you are free, you won't be allowed. When I have grandchildren, you won't be allowed NEAR them. And contact them or me, and I swear, it will not be a cell you end up in."
How can someone say "I don't know how this happened?". Even ONCE, YES YOU DO! Somewhere, there was a concious thought and you took it for a test run. Once wasn't enough, so you did it again. Pervert doesn't even BEGIN to cover what I was thinking.
So for 11 days, I've been happier, guilt free and enjoying my relationship with my stepdad, and my adopted family. THEY took me in and Rick, my stepdad, has been more of a father in 8 years, than my father was in 23. As he told the former father, "I raised her as my own, because that's all I knew how to do."
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